30
Jan
07

Dangerous Words


Coming off my antidepressant has left me feeling vulnerable to those little lies that pop up in one’s mind now and then…the ones that I can usually laugh at, shake off or stick out my tongue at. In particular I feel myself in danger of discontentedly living in the past and having a case of the regrets.

“If only…” is what I hear myself saying. If only we’d been able to stay in our other house. If only I didn’t have this predisposition to depression. If only…and this is the big one…if only I had gone on bedrest when my pregnancy was in danger that January in 2003.

You can imagine where all that could lead. Yeah. I told you it was dangerous.

I’m countering this ugly background hum with things like this:

Psalm 73

23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27 For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
28 But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.

Psalm 42
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation 6 and my God.

Ephesians 1

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

 

The “If Only”s are an insidious bunch. If you’re not vigilant, they can creep up on you without you really noticing. Before you know it, you’ll be wallowing in these imaginary alternatives instead of being content, happy, and obedient in the great life you have right now. That’s what I preach to myself, and I will do the same toward anyone who shows signs of the syndrome because I know how hard it can be. Call it regret, call it guilt, call it living in the past. For me it all boils down to not living like I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ, which you can read about in Colossians 2.

13 And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, 14 by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.

And so I should live, because I have been made alive to God in Christ…when I go along in my “If Only”s, I ignore that life that I’ve been delivered to.

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2 Responses to “Dangerous Words”


  1. 1 Chrissy
    January 31, 2007 at 2:30 pm

    Thank you for posting this, Eva. You will be in my prayers and thoughts.

  2. 2 Mary
    February 2, 2007 at 1:21 pm

    Ditto. I’ll be thinking of you also. If needed, go to Baby Foo Island.


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